Working on an updated Servant Leadership presentation for my coaching clients and came across this message I wrote last year.

Thought I’d share it here.

As I went back and reread it, I felt so strongly about how these simple principles can change how we behave at home with our spouse and children.

Simple . . . just not easy. Make it easy through habit development following the James Clear/Atomic Habits Model. That’s a message for another day

Leadership at Home

The question could be asked:

Can servant leadership help strengthen my marriage?

I love this question

Everything is relational. Healthy relationships, either at work or at home, are based in love. I know what you’re thinking . . .”Yeah yeah yeah Jason is talking about love again, here we go.”

Hear me out. I really don’t like when people try to get points across using gross generalizations and ambiguity. Real lessons don’t stick unless we can get GRANULAR and TACTICAL with the teaching.

I spend a lot of time coaching and talking on the principles of servant leadership.

What I don’t want to get lost in this teaching is the fact that servant leadership principles are as applicable in the workplace as they are in other relationships in our life. Arguably MORE APPLICABLE away from work.

Let’s look at marriage. Pretty important relationship wouldn’t you say?

In an effort to reinforce these ideas in my own head, let me try to share some practical thoughts on how servant leadership intertwines with relationships.

First a review . . .

At its core, servant leadership is simply choosing to behave with love towards others. The behavior of love, the choice to love, not the goosebumps/butterflies love.

Agape love is based on this definition in 1 Corinthians. Here is one of my favorite versions:

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not selfish, and it cannot be made angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it. Love is never happy when others do wrong, but it is always happy with the truth. Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits. Love will never end.”

Based on this definition, Love is the intentional practice of these eight principles:

• Patience
• Kindness
• Humility
• Respect
• Selflessness
• Forgiveness
• Honesty
• Commitment

So if servant leadership is choosing to behave with love towards others and love is based on the above eight principles, how can we be intentional about this?

I would ask you to consider this following

Patience. How well do you control your impulses? How well are you at controlling your temper? Humans, unlike animals, have the ability to control the gap between stimulus and response. How good are you at controlling that gap? Do you practice?

Kindness. Do you pay attention to your spouse? Do you actively and empathetically listen to him or her, bracketing out all other noise and stimuli? Do you give consistent praise to your spouse? Are you nice?

Humility. Quick definition review . . .humility is not thinking less of yourself, its thinking of yourself less. How often do you put the needs of your spouse in front of your own? Are you humble enough to readily admit when you are wrong?

Respectfulness. I consider respect and honor one and the same and I am in the minority in thinking that respect does not need to be earned. Respect should be given, especially to our significant others. Do you honor your spouse? Do you open doors for him or her, do you brag on them. Do you allow them space when they need it, not hovering and micro-managing them?

Selflessness. Do you go out of your way to serve your spouse? Do you take care of their legitimate needs before your own? Can you purposely act in a way that is uncomfortable for you simply because that’s what your spouse needs. For example, fully engage in conversation even though you are an introvert.

Forgiveness. Can you forgive your spouse when they wrong you? Can you fully let go of resentment? Can you tolerate imperfections, limitations and forgive them?

Honesty. Do you tell your spouse everything? I mean EVERYTHING or do you “strategically leave out certain things” becoming deceitful? Trust is mainly built on Honesty. How can you have trust if you are not honest?

Commitment. Are you fully committed for the long haul or do you have an “escape plan” in the back of your mind? Are you willing to do the work to improve or is that work simply too hard for you? Are you consistent in practicing all the principles of agape love and not just when your in the mood or just on Valentine’s day?

That’s it. Simple, just not easy. How do you get better?

PRACTICE. ALL. THE. TIME.

Appreciate you.

Much Love,

Jason