YO! Happy Monday. Hope this message finds you well.
For those of you who know me at a deep level, you know that I’m a firm believer that multitasking is a myth. Take my word for it, and if you choose not to believe me, feel free to Google and read anything from Cal Newport on task switching and attention residue.
That said, I believe I have found the one instance where multitasking works—at least for me. I have had success when I am out for a ruck/walk while at the same time trying to cultivate a relationship.
Here is a picture of me and one of my awesome associates this morning at 5:45 am. We have decided to do her monthly 1 on 1 during a 60-minute ruck to the office. I had great conversations with her about what is going well and what needs work. I shared with her some praise; I was able to give her some honest feedback . . .all rolled into a great morning as the sun was coming up, and we were able to roll into the office just in time for the morning meeting.
So what’s my point with all this?
It’s my firm belief that everything is relationship driven. Your success in business, your success with your spouse, your kids, your friends, your joy and fulfillment in life . . . You must be dedicated to the relationship and put in the time. Put in the work!I used to work with Dr. Marc Cooper many years ago. One day he said something to me that was very profound and it stayed with me to this day. I was sharing with Dr. Cooper all these great intentions I had, everything I was planning on doing, blah blah blah . . He sat their listening patiently. When I was done sharing all my grandiose intentions, he said to me
“Jason, you don’t need to tell me what’s important to you. You don’t need to tell me what your intentions are. What’s important to you will be very clear to me with how you spend your time and how you spend your money. Period. I will have complete clarity with what’s important to you when I look at those two choices that you make on a routine basis”
Yikes. Talk about slap in the face but so very true.
I talk to people all the time that tell me about their intentions. They go on and on about how much they love their kids, or their spouse or how they are fully invested in the development of their young associate doctor only to prove with their actions that nothing could be further from the truth. When I press these people they suggest they “simply don’t have the time” I’m calling bullshit. What’s happening is you say that relationships are important to you but your actions suggest something very different.
Why do people behave this way? Here is what I believe
- It could be that they really do believe they don’t have the time. Whats most likely occurring however is they are keeping busy with things that don’t really matter or that dont nearly matter as much as developing and growing a relationship. Busywork, and the belief that this busywork actually matters, is the #1 killer of growing relationships
- It could be that they don’t know how to develop a relationship. They are afraid it will be awkward, or uncomfortable. “What am I supposed to say?”
- It could be that they don’t value building and developing a relationship. These are the peeps I feel sorry for. They are walking through life in a suboptimal way. They will never experience a full sense of joy and fulfillment in certain aspects of their life as they have devalued people.
Anyways, I would ask you to consider this multi-tasking hack. Go get your exercise in and at the same time develop a relationship. This can be done in as little as 15 minutes at a time and I can promise you you will reap benefits that you have yet to fathom possible.
